A Christmas Carol
by SladesDaughter
Summary: Come and read out marvelous play! Don't worry, we have the army, navy, and animal control on speed-dial in case anything... happens. :P
1. Casting Board

Hello Kids! I have decided to make a Furuba Story! A _Christmas_ Furuba Story! BUM BUM BUM I was going to write it in story form, but I wanted to have them do it as a play, so I could include all the Characters. :) I am writing based on what I know of the Anime. Enjoy!

-----

Steph: All right guys, line up!

**-everyone scrambles to get in line-**

Teff: ATTENT-HUT! **-walking back and forth along the line-** THIS WILL BE BRUTAL! THIS WILL BE TUFF! I WILL SEND YOU HOME CRY TO YOURE MOMMIES!

Steph: Teff. It's a play, get over youself.

Teff: Oh. Um, yes. Of course.

Steph: Anyway, I would like to announce what parts everyone got.

Hiro: What if we don't like out part?

Teff: **-gets so close their noses are touching-** THEN YOU WILL SUCK IT UP! DO YOU HEAR ME?

Hiro: -**cowers in fear- **Yes ma'am.

Steph: Okay then. **-posts up parts on Bulletin Board-**

**-everyone tramples Steph to get to boards-**

* * *

Kyo: Ebeneezer Scrooge  
Haru: Jacob Marely  
Yuki: Bob Kratchet  
Uotani: Bob's Wife  
Momiji: Tiny Tim  
Hiro: Boy  
Tohru: Christmas Past  
Shigure: Christmas Present  
Akito: Christmas Yet to Come  
Hatori: Fred  
Ristu: Fred's wife  
Kagura: Scrooge's Sister  
Ayame: Fizzywig  
Kisa: Scrooge's old girlfriend  
Hanajima: Charity Collector

* * *

Kyo: WHAT? I'M SCROOGE? THAT SUCKS!

Kagura: I play your sister? **-sobs-** WHY DOES KISA GET TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND! **-starts beating up Kyo-**

Yuki: Uo-san is my wife?

Uo: Didn't expect that coming.

Tohru: I'm the ghost of Christmas Past! Yay!

Hatori: Why is Ritsu my wife? He's a guy.

Steph: Heh. Well, we were short one girl you see...

Ayame: Alas, Ritsu is so Lucky. He gets to dress up as a girl!

Ritsu: **-bursts out in tears-** I'M SO SORRY!

Hatori: As long as I don't have to do any scenes with Ayame or Shigure, I'm fine.

Steph: Well, there is one scene...

Hana: Hmm. Charity Collector. Interesting.

Haru: Oh. I'm Marely huh? I guess lugging around a bunch of chains won't be so bad.

Momiji: God bless us! Every one!

Hiro: "Boy." Am I just a listless boy?!?

Kisa: **-looks at Kyo- **I am you're girlfriend?

Kyo: Oh no! NO! Dont get the wrong idea!

Kagura: KYO! HAVE YOU BEEN CHEATING ON ME!?

Kyo: Meep.

Kagura: **-starts beating up Kyo-**

Akito: The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come. Do I get to kill anyone?

Teff: No, but you get to carry a sythe.

Akito: I feel a familiar burst of evilness coursing through my veins.

Teff: Yah, that can't be good.

Steph: **-sigh-** Lets hope we all make it through this play alive.

-----

Please read and reviews! **-sees Akito walk by with Sythe-** Aherm. If you will exuse me a moment.


	2. Scene 1: Bah Humbug!

Teff: **-walks onstage-** Hello Audience! This is a Play called "A Christmas Carol;" Originally a book by Charles Dickens.

Audience: **-awkward silence-**

Teff: CLAP YOU DEMONS!

Audience: O.O **–claps rapidly-**

Teff: Much better! **–walks off stage-**

(curtains open to reveal the scene of Scrooge at his desk, and Kratchet at his)

Yuki/Bob: **-walks up to Scrooge- **Give me some coal for the fire, you stupid Cat.

Kyo/Scrooge: HEY! You're supposed to be afraid of me! I RULE OVER YOU!

Steph: **-whispering from off stage- **He's right, Yuki.

Yuki/Bob: Damn… **-puts on scared, innocent face-** Mr. Scrooge, could I please have some cold for the fire?

Kyo/Scrooge: **-mildly freaked out-** No.

Yuki/Bob: Why?

Kyo/Scrooge: Cuz I'm the boss, that's why! NOW GET BACK TO WORK!!

Yuki/Bob: Whatever. **–goes back to work-**

Hatori/Fred: **-enters through door- **Merry Christmas Uncle.

Yuki/Bob: You don't sound too happy.

Kyo/Scrooge: Whatever. Bah Humbug.

Yuki/Hatori: What?!

Kyo/Scrooge: That's my line!

Hatori/Fred: Oh. Okay. Humbug to Christmas? You can't really mean that.

Kyo/Scrooge: YES I CAN! NOW GO AWAY!

Hatori/Fred: Whatever. By the way, my wife and I want you to come for dinner.

Kyo/Scrooge: No. NOW GO!

Hatori/Fred: **-leaves-**

Yuki/Bob: I'm going home now.

Kyo/Scrooge: Whatever. Just be back here tomorrow.

Yuki/Bob: No. Tomorrow's Christmas, and I want to spend it with my family.

Kyo/Scrooge: I never thought I'd hear you say that.

Yuki/Bob: Yah, well in this play, I have a family I don't hate. See you in a couple of days. **–leaves, slamming door behind him-**

Kyo/Scrooge: Bah Humbug!

Hana/Charity: **-comes in- **Do I have the… pleasure… of talking to a Mr. Scrooge or Mr. Marley?

Kyo/Scrooge: I am Scrooge. Marley died 10 years ago this very day.

Hana/Charity: I see… I didn't sense his waves anywhere. Anyway, I am collecting money for the poor and less fortunate so they may have a… Merry Christmas.

Kyo/Scrooge: Tell the poor and less fortunate to drop dead.

Hana/Charity: Many rather do that then go to Workhouse's or Prisons.

Kyo/Scrooge: Then let them do that! It'll decrease the sulfurous population.

Steph: **-whispering from offstage-** That's _surplus._

Kyo/Scrooge: Whatever. Just go away.

Hana/Charity: You're lucky the poor and less fortunate can't curse you. **–leaves-**

Kyo/Scrooge: Yah yah, whatever. **–gathers things and leaves-**

(lights go out, curtains close)

End of Scene One.


	3. Scene 2: Is that a toaster?

Whoops! My Microsoft Word has been going bizzerko lately, so I couldn't get all of the chapters up. **–sobs- **Oh well! A Late Christmas Fic for you all! **–shifty eyes-**

-----

Teff: Okay, who's in the next scene? We need to get get going, we're more than a month behind!!

Steph: Well, Kyo is already all dressed up and ready. **–skims clipboard- **Haru's on next… Haru?

Ryoga (from Ranma ½): Is this the Saotome household?

Steph: **-slaps forehead-** You must be the only person in the world with a worse sense of direction worse than Haru.

Haru: Hey. I'm here. Do I go on now?

Teff: YES! NOW GO!

Momiji: Stephie-chan? What is wrong with Teff? Is it that time of the month?

Steph: Um. Uh. Er. ON WITH THE SCENE!

(curtains rise to show Kyo sitting in an armchair in front of the "fire")

Kyo: **-muttering-** I hate Christmas, I hate Christmas, I hate Christmas.

(chains clank)

Kyo: Meep! What's that sound!

Haru: **-comes in-** Ebeneezer Scrooge! I have- Wait. Where's the fog?

**-offstage-**

Teff: **-has face buried in instruction manual, pieces of the "Fog-O-Matic" scattered around her-** Okay, so if I connect piece B to this thingymajig, then melt them together with piece z….

**-back onstage-**

Haru: -.-() Nevermind. Aherm. Good evening Ebeneezer.

Kyo: I trust you didn't get lost on the way here.

Haru: Well I- **-pauses as a little black pig runs across the stage-**

Momiji: ­**-chasing after it-** Come back Charlotte!

Kyo: Um. Anyway, **-fake fear-** Good God! It's Jacob Marley!

Haru: You don't believe in me Scrooge, so why doubt your senses?

Kyo: I don't! For all I know, you could be some sort of hallucination from food poisoning! That Cod Roe Kagura made me eat was probably undercooked or something! **–gets hit in the head with prop tree thrown from off stage-** OW!

Haru: -.-()

Kyo: Oh spirit! Why do you haunt me!

Haru: I have come with a warning! You see these chains? They were forged by greediness, link by link. You too carry a length of chains, long and heavy, since seven Christmases past!

Kyo: No! It can't be true! It just can't- Is that a toaster?

Haru: Um. Yes. But that's beside the point! I have come to bear a warning upon you Ebeneezer. You shall be visited by three spirits!

Kyo: Okay… So after you, I'll be visited by 2 more?

Haru: What?

Kyo: You're one! So after you, there should be two, and that would make three.

Haru: You're an idiot. After me, there will be three more.

Kyo: Oh. So I'll be visited by 4 spirits.

Haru: NO! YOU STUPID CAT! THREE **–sensor-** SPIRITS! **–stomps off stage-**

Kyo: Geez, someone is on the black side of the bed. **–looks down at toaster Haru left behind-** Hey, he lefthis toaster.

Toaster: **-pops waffles-**

Kyo: Yes! Waffle! **–eats-**

Steph: **-sighs-** Once again, we're sorry about the delay. -.-


	4. INTERMISSION!

Steph: AHAAHA! Intermission!

Momiji: Yay! **–runs over to the snack table and starts stuffing his face with cookies-**

Teff: **-is leaning against stage door which is shaking-** Help! It's the mad fangirls! **–is crushed by door as it comes down on top of her-**

Steph: **-counting heads-** There are only six of you?

Kisari: **-shrugs and goes over to play with Haru's toaster-**

Hiro: **-to Kisari-** Are you so incompetent that you can't do anything but play with toasters?

Kisari: **-shrugs-**

Hiro: **-anime vein-**

Anya Shojo: There may be only six of us, but we LOVE Fruits Basket!

Teff: T.T I feel so unloved. **–perks up-** What I need is a Kyo hug!

Kyo: NO! NO! GET AWAY!

**-Teffy makes to glomp Kyo but Sara beats her to it-**

Sara: I wuv you Kyo!

Kyo: AH! Someone! Help! Spine is being crushed!

Boomkat: **-Yanks Kyo away from Sara- **My turn!

Kyo: 0-0 Meep.

Boomkat: LOTS OF LOVES AND HUGGIES KYO!

Kyo: GAH! SHE'S INSANE! **–runs away-**

Boomkat: **-chases after-**

Haruko: **-looks indecisively between Akito, Shigure, and Haru-** Must choose. MUST CHOOSE!

Hatori: Why don't you just take turns hugging them?

Haruko: Good Idea! **–hugs Haru-** I love you Haru!

Haru: My heart belongs to Yuki.

Haruko: Whatever! **–hugs Shigure-** I love you Shi-chan!

Shigure: **-tears of happiness in his eyes-** Yes! I am being hugged by a highschool girl and am not poofing! **–hugs back-**

Hatori: **-wacks Shigure over the head-** Let go before someone decides to call the police.

Haruko: **-hugs Akito-** I love you Akito.

Akito: … Now where did my sythe go…..?

Haruko: -.-() Eh heh… Gotta go! **–zips off-**

Boomkat and Sara: Come back Kyo!

Kyo: You'll never catch me!

Julie: Oh Momiji! You're sooooo Cute! **–hugs Momiji-**

Momiji: Und ob ich es weiss!(Dont I know it!)

Teff: Will everyone who did not get hugged please line up by the wall!

**-everyone lines up-**

Teff: Let's see, we have…. Hatori, which is to be expected…. Ayame, which surprises the hell outta all of us I sure…. Kisa and Kagura, sorry bout' that… Yuki….**-takes both Yuki and Tohru by the shoulders and makes them hug-** Oh don't blush! We all knew it was coming! There's also Rin (who just showed up at the end of book 8!)…. Ritsu-

Ritsu: IM SO SORRY! I DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE! I AM JUST THE SCUM THAT LIVES ON SCUM THAT LIVES ON SCUM!

Teff: **-pokes Ritsu's side, making him shut up-** I think that's it… Uo and Hana don't count, cuz we all only know what'll happen if we hug them….

**-lights go out-**

SLAM!

Steph: What was that?

Boomkat: KYO! KYO ARE YOU OKAY!

Akito: I'm not Kyo.

Boomkat: Oh, sorry. **–slam is heard-** Kyo! Where are you?

Yuki: She didn't just-

Teff: Oh yeah. She tossed him.

Steph: While we get things up and running, how about you chill and just go read a manga or somethin'.

Julie: I _would,_ but since you didn't come to school today, I don't have the 8th Fruits Basket!

Steph: Oh yeah… Did I mention to our readers that I'm home sick today?

CRASH!

Boomkat: KYO! I FOUND YOU!

Shigure: Ah! Highschool girls are so soft!

Boomkat: **-SMACK!-** PERVERT! **–another slam is heard-**

Hatori: What an idiot.

Steph: Boomkat! Please try not to kill everyone before the next scene! We need them!

Teff: **-sigh-** I'm gonna save y'all the pain and end the chapter now. PLEASE REVIEW!

SLAM!

Boomkat: Kyo! Kyo!

**-toaster pops-**


	5. Scene 3: 2,003,028

Steph: Wooo! I'm baaaaAAAAK! **–aherm-**

Teff: After only7 months.

Steph: --' Eh heh heh….

Hiro: Are you SO incompetent that you can't even finish a Christmas special before the Christmas AFTER?

Momiji: It's a Christmas in July!

Julie: …..Caribou……

Kyo: Who's she? ……. Caribou?

Steph: Oh. –deep breath- KyoHaruYukiUoMomijiHiroTohruShigureAkito HatoriRitsuKaguraAyameKisaHana- -takes another breath- meet Julie.

Cast: Hi Julie.

Steph: Julie, meet –breath- KyoHaruYukiUoMomijiHiroTohruShigureAkito HatoriRitsuKaguraAyameKisaandHana.

Julie: Hey.

Teff: Yeah, yeah, warm fuzzies all around, LETS GET A MOVE ON!

Haru: Moo…..

Steph: Why must everything come with a pun?

_Curtains rise on a bedroom scene. There is a large four-poster bed against one wall and a large window against the other. The drapes on the four-poster are drawn shut._

Teff: -hisses- Kyo! Open the curtains!

Kyo: No! I'm wearin' a freaken dress!

Teff: If you don't open those curtains, I'LL DO IT For YOU!

Kyo:…. –grudgingly opens curtains-

Kyo fangirls gasp at sight of Kyo in a dress-

Kyo: -blushes- It's a gown!

Random Kyo hater (gasp!): Isn't a gown a dress?

Kyo: Grrrrrr.

_Bells Chime_

Tohru: -walks onstage- Umm…. –aherm- Hello.

Kyo: Are… are the spirit who was foretold would come when the clock chimes?

Tohru: I am good sir.

Kyo: Who are you?

Tohru: I am the ghost of Christmas Past, here for your welfare. Please come! –walks toward window and waves hand. Nothing happens- Um…. –waves hand-

backstage Teff and Julie are tugging on rope connected top window-

Teff: C'mon Julie! Pull!

Julie: I'm pulling! –pauses- Hmm…. –lets go-

Teff: -is pulled forward by rope-

_Back onstage._

wham is heard and window opens-

Tohru: -cheerfully- There we go!

Kyo: What was that slam? Nevermind, I don't think I want to know.

Tohru: Aherm. Anyway, come.

Kyo: Are you crazy? I can't fly!

Tohru: -takes Kyo's hand and holds it to her heart- With a touch of my hand and a touch of my heart, we shall go!

_Thick, very noticeable ropes with hooks on the end fall from above._

Kyo: -is hit on heat with metal hook- OW!

Tohru: Weren't they supposed to be wires?

Steph: Budget cuts.

_Backstage._

Yuki: What was out budget?

Teff: -is holding icepack over her eye- We managed to scrape a few thousand from Akito.

Shigure: -looks up from where Aya is hemming his costume- How'd you manage to do that?

Teff: Blackmail.

Akito: You are on the top of my list.

Teff: -walks towards stage- Hey guys! Guess what! Akito is a- -is hit in the head with plastic scythe- Hey!

Ayame: What happened to the money though?

Steph: Oh the normal stuff. Costumes, theater space, fangirl barriers, none of which were very cheap.

Hatori: I did the planning out though, and you should have had more than enough left for stage hands and props.

Teff: Ms. Genius over here got mugged.

Steph: Teff. That was _you_.

Teff: Oh yeah! I remember that now!

_Back Onstage._

Tohru: -hooked up to thick, noticeable rope- Come! We fly!

Kyo: -also hooked up- Whatever.

_Both "fly" as scenery moves behind them. They land in a schoolyard with children playing._

Kyo: Egad! –cringes at lame word- I grew up here! You hear me, I was a boy here! Why, there's Thomas! And Bill!

Tohru: They are merely shadows of what has been. They have no consciousness of us here.

Kyo: Hm.. –walks over to random boy- Jeffery never did pay me back that 5 bucks… -kicks boy-

Cardboard cutout boy: -falls over-

Teff: Kyo!

Kyo: Ah! –scrambles to put boy back up-

Tohru: You put a hole in it.

Kyo: -stands up straight, then scoots away from boy- Um. As you were saying?

Tohru: Um… -points- See there? That is the carriage that has come to takes these boys home for Christmas.

Yuki: -pulls little red wagon on stage and start piling in the cardboard cutouts-

Kyo: How compassionate.

Tohru: But there is one little boy who will not be going home for Christmas. –leads Kyo to window- See there?

_Little boy with strange orange hair is sitting at desk, looking all lonely._

Kyo: Goodness! That's me!

Tohru: -smiles- Let us move onto another Christmas.

_Little Kyo walks off, and another (teen) Kyo walks on with Kisa._

Kyo: Wasn't Kagura supposed to be my sister?

Teff: -offstage- She made us change. Good luck in the scene where you break up with her!

Kyo: Shit.

Kisa: I have come to take you home older brother! Home! –claps-

Kyo Clone: Home little sister?

Kisa: Yes yes!

Kyo Clone: You are quite a girl little Fan.

Kisa: -beams and hugs Kyo Clone-

Kyo: WHO IS THAT GUY!

Tohru: Um… A delicate creature, but such a large heart.

Kyo: Indeed. –sad-

Tohru: She died a woman. Yet she had a child. Your nephew.

Kyo: Yes.

Tohru: There is another Christmas

Kyo: Please! No more…

Tohru: Just a few more.

_Scene changes to happy little office with men working._

Ayame: -sitting at desk- My dear boys! No more work tonight! It's Christmas Eve tonight! –flourish- Come boys! Up with those shutters!

Kyo Clone and other guys start clean up-

Kyo: Why it's old Fezzywig! Bless him, it's Fezzywig alive again!

Ayame: Hilli ho my good lads! Let's have this place cleaned up!

_People start coming in and start dancing._

Tohru: A small matter, is not? To make these silly folk so full of gratitude and happiness.

Kyo: Small!

Tohru: He spent but a few pounds of your mortal money. Is that so much that he deserves the praise he gets?

Kyo: -angrily- It isn't that! It's that he could make us happy or unhappy! The happiness he gives is quite as great as if it cost a fortune!

Tohru: -blink blink- Is there something wrong?

Kyo: No.. no… I should like to say something to my clerk right now is all.

Tohru:-smile- Look inside. –points-

Kagura: Oh Ebeneezer! You're such a wonderful dancer!

Kyo Clone: -looks up- We're under the mistletoe.

Kagura: OH KYO! I mean EBENEEZER! –starts to make out with Kyo Clone-

Kyo: OH! IT BURNS! Hey, at least it isn't me.

Tohru: Um. Yes… uh.. There is one more Christmas.

Kyo: Oh. Yeah that would be a good idea.

Kyo Clone: -is turning blue-

Kyo: Poor guy.

_Everyone walks/is dragged off and now Kyo Clone is sitting at desk counting coins._

Kagura: -walks in- Ebeneezer! What is this? –holds of scroll-

Kyo Clone: It's the tax on your mortage! Now go away!

Kagura: But- but I thought we were going to start our life together? Why this? Why now?

Kyo Clone: Because you aren't worth my time! Now go! –goes back to counting his money. Two-million-three-thousand-twenty-eight, Two-million-three-thousand-twenty-nine….

Kagura: -bursts into tears- I thought you loved me Ebeneezer Scrooge! But I guess I was wrong! –throws table and stalks out slamming door-

Kyo Clone: -is hit with table- Ow! –all money falls over from it's stacks- Crap! Now I have to start all over! –sigh- One… two….

Tohru: You see now?

Kyo: She was the only woman I ever loved…

Tohru: Yes, but she paid late on her mortage, and we can't have that now, can we?

Kyo: I think I've seen enough.

Tohru: As do I.

_Bright light as Kyo arrives alone in his bedroom left to fall asleep in his four-poster._

End of scene

Butterfly: EEEK! GRAMMATICAL ERRORS! AHHH! EVERY CHAPTER!

Rachel: -bounds and gags Butterfly- Sorry 'bout that.

Steph: No prob.

Butterfly: GRAMMATICAL ERROR!

weirdoes leave-

Kyo: Who the hell are they?

Teff: -is watching Furuba Anime on Backstage TV- Steph's crazy friends. Don't ask.

Momiji: I'm in the next scene! Yay! YAYAYAYAYAYAYYY!

Steph: I apologize for all grammatical errors or discomfort due to craziness to all out readers! READ AND REVIEW!


End file.
